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While silent for months on social media, I did numerous things in the background. One of them was scrambling around with this website. Different concepts and purposes for passed my mind, and I spent hours designing. In the process, I realized that I’m a great thinker and creator. But multiple aspects, like perfectionism and insecurities, block me from finalizing the results. My brain sometimes throws me the next thing before I finish the previous one. Often it results in overcomplicating things. I wanna stash all my ideas for different projects in one creation. No matter if it is a blog, an online course, a web shop, a community, or a digital art gallery. At one point, I lose track and motivation. Things just get too complicated. The only way to find my motivation back is to start over. It is clean and easy. But this will also delete many hours of work.That brings me to the final attempt for this website. Of course, I keep creating different projects. But just one place at a time. This website is gonna be the starting point for all my projects. And to share my visions, ideas, and new projects, I redesigned completely.

The Blueprint for this blog

I will share my beliefs and the difficulties I’m facing. Of course, this is risky on the internet and will put me in a vulnerable position. But I believe this is the only way to achieve what probably is my soul mission. Inspiring other people. To help others, I need to help myself first. Because honestly, I’m not the best version of myself. After building my van, things when south. My idea to promote the vanlife and motivate others didn’t work out as planned. Instead of motivating others, the Instagram community placed me on a pedal stand.

I didn’t feel that I inspired people to explore possibilities to change their lives. Instead, I received credits. Messages about how awesome my life is and how badly they want the same. I don’t have the magic pill to succeed. But I see many people being trapped in the same patterns and beliefs. Believes I once had myself. And on top of that, it is easier to distract yourself today than ever. Getting a dopamine overload and pursuing external validation is literally at our fingertips. And the funny part is that everyone knows that Netflix, Instagram, and TikTok won’t help you.

But how to stop? It is like a social addiction. Plans to create a retreat and an online course to bring people closer to themself popped up. For this plan, I needed a large sum of money. I was doing okay myself with the cryptocurrency, but this was bigger than me. After perfectly trading the crypto market and shorting some big pullbacks, patience is key. The final blowoff top was on the horizon. Then, my dream for the retreat could actually become a reality. However, plans of cashing out big time evaporated when Putin decided to attack Ukrainian. And that destroyed my dreams to create something big to help others.

The wonderful idea of helping others fell apart. My main goal in life suddenly was gone. Not sure if I would ever be able to make it this way. The money I earned I needed to maintain myself during this financial crisis. As a paradox, I started to distract myself. But I didn’t enjoy life as much anymore. Not because of one single dream that disappeared but more because I lost my purpose. After a while, I woke up with the question, “What is the purpose of life?”

When I write this down, it sounds pathetic. But after months, I really lost all my motivation in life. I see and feel that the world is on fire, which hurts. But ending this pain by quitting it all will only move my pain to others. It will hurt the people who love me, even though I’m incapable of feeling the love at the moment. Apparently, depression and creativity go hand in hand. But if depression wins, creativity will lose. One thing I learned over time is that persistence will lead to success. Failure is not an option because quitting will delete your previous work. That’s why I call this website “the final version.” Giving up is not an option no matter what the universe throws at us. I will share my journey on how to fulfill my goals.